Nov 09 2017
I’ve had a few close shaves with death. One such time was when I was overwhelmed with depressing thoughts, when I felt utterly useless and inadequate. But, in that moment, I was saved by Jesus.
It started with a rich businessman. I met an important businessman who was ill, and he lamented that his riches were useless because he had a sickly body. This struck me, and so I offered to pray for his health. After sincerely praying, he started feeling better and showing signs of recovery.
Thankful for my prayers, he offered a gift in return. However, I simply told him that it would be good if he could believe in God and start going to church diligently, to which he promised. Upon his insistence to give me a gift, I told the church near my house needed a new bell, since the old bell had been spoilt for awhile and so, the villagers now lacked something that could remind them to work and rest. Immediately, he agreed and gave me some money. I then used the money to head to the nearest city that sells church bells.
I almost killed myself
On the journey, I bumped into a group of students. Looking at them, I felt the fire of evangelism in me light up. I thought to myself:
how should I approach them? Should I start with, “how are you? Do you go to church?” No – this way of starting the conversation is so old-fashioned; they’ll definitely ignore me.
Or maybe: “Hello! The weather is really nice, right? I guess you all are going somewhere for a holiday?” No, that sounds odd, too. Or I could ask them, “Hi, have you all read the bible? Do you have any questions? I have read it many times, and have lots of comments!” But asking this way is too unexpected too.
The desire to evangelise them burst out from my chest as I ran through the scenarios in my head. However, I couldn’t gather the courage because I was too shy and my mouth was not able to finish what I wanted to say. Every time I finally mustered the courage to walk over to the students, my mind went blank and I would dejectedly walk back. The students looked at me, walking towards them then walking backwards. Two steps forward, one step back. Feeling utterly disappointed in myself, I kept rebuking myself. I was angry that I couldn’t do God’s work, even after He serendipitously put an evangelism candidate before me. You can’t even say a single word, and yet you want to evangelise and become an announcer? Believing myself useless, I was frustrated that I’d continuously disappointed Jesus and worried my parents.
I got more and more agitated and more upset. In a moment of anger, I left my seat and ran out of the train carriage door. In that moment, I truly felt like dying. Jump down and die – that’s the best solution. Images of my failure to talk to the students flashed in my mind. I closed my eyes and was prepared to jump down.
Jesus saved me
Suddenly, something grabbed my neck, I was so shocked that the thought of jumping off the train was banished immediately. “Who was it who grabbed me? Is it the train driver? I did not see him just now?” I thought. I looked around but strangely, there was not a single person.
“It must be my reaction from wanting to escape from death. I’m despicable. I am really unbelievable. I do not even have the determination to die!”
When I was shaking my head at myself, I heard a voice that is about to cry saying: “I have already died for you. Why then, do you want to die?”
Immediately I recognized it as Jesus’s voice. Jesus said it in a very sad tone and that frightened me. I told Jesus that I felt useless because I didn’t even have the courage to talk to people, I was unable to help the Lord to spread the gospel. I cried tears while confessing my stupidity. Jesus replied saying:
“A child would not be able to hold a very big object, right? Why are you discouraged and chose death because of this? Do you know how precious life is? Do you know how sad I am without a body?”
I replied, “But, everything I do, I don’t do well.”
“You will do well after you’re grown up. Let’s start by evangelizing one by one. Live with me and become my body.”
Since that incident, Jesus’ words became engraved in my mind. I evangelised one at a time, thinking that Jesus is working through my body. One step at a time, I spread the word to the whole nation, and now to the world. I’ve since become more confident in preaching the word to crowds.
Although I’m no longer young, I’m still driven by the fiery heart to live for the Lord. I confessed to Jesus every day saying: “Lord, don’t worry about me, I am living for the Lord, and living to fulfill the will of the Lord. Thus, no matter what hardship I faced, it is ok. I am a happy man!
We’ve all been there; there are days where you feel like giving up on yourself because you feel that you’re lacking. Listen to my story – even though it’s hard now, know that if you entrust it to the Lord, you will overcome this difficulty and do big things and become a happy person!