Nov 09 2017
There was once when I met a big businessman who had an illness. He was lamenting that even though he was rich it was useless because he did not have a healthy body. I felt sad when I heard those words, so I offered to pray for his health. After sincerely praying, petitioning to God to heal him, the businessman started feeling better and showed signs of recovery. He was very thankful for my prayers and offered a gift in return. I rejected his good intentions and told him that it would be good if he could believe in God and goes to church diligently from now on. He promised me that he would start going to church more and insisted on giving me a gift. So I told him it would be great if he could offer a bell for the church near my house since the old bell had been spoilt for a while and the villagers were lacking something that could remind them to work and rest. Hearing that he immediately agreed and gave me some money. I took the money and boarded the train to the nearest city that sells church bells. During my journey on the train ride, I was rounded by a group of students. When I looked at them, the fire of evangelism within me started to lit up. I thought inside my mind.
“How should I approach them?
“Should I start with how are you?
“Do you go to church?”
“No no…This way of starting the conversation is so old-fashioned. The students will definitely ignore you.”
“Hello! The weather is really nice, right? I guess you all are going somewhere for a holiday?
No no, this doesn’t sound right.”
“Hi, have you all read the bible? Do you have any questions? I have read it many times, and have lots of comments!
No no, asking this way is too unexpected.”
I played out many scenarios in my head and the heart of wanting to evangelize them was about to burst out from my chest. However, because I was too shy and my mouth was not able to finish what I wanted to say. Every time when I had the courage to walk over to the students’ side, my mind went blank not being able to say a single word, so I walked back. The students looked at me walking to them, forward and backwards, thus, they thought that I was weird and they gossiped about me among themselves. I flopped on the seat feeling utterly disappointed in myself. I was angry and rebuked myself strongly.
“You are useless! It is clear that God has put an evangelism candidate before you, but what are you shy about? You can’t even say a single word, and you still want to evangelize and become an announcer? You are useless! You being alive, is only wasting a mouthful of rice! You are of no help to this world! Why don’t you just die! Instead of making Jesus disappointed continuously, and making your parents worried about you, quickly go and die!”
I was so critical of myself and my words exploded in my mind like firecrackers. I got more and more agitated and more upset. In a moment of anger, I left my seat and ran out of the train carriage door.
“Jump down and die! This is the best solution!”
The images of me failing to talk to the students flashed past my mind. I closed my eyes and was prepared to jump down.
Suddenly, something grabbed my neck, I was so shocked that the thought of jumping off the train was banished immediately. “Who was it who grabbed me? Is it the train driver? I did not see him just now?” I thought. I looked around but strangely, there was not a single person.
“It must be my reaction from wanting to escape from death. I’m despicable. I am really unbelievable. I do not even have the determination to die!”
When I was shaking my head at myself, I heard a voice that is about to cry saying: “I have already died for you. Why then do you want to die?”
Immediately I recognized that it was Jesus’s voice. Jesus said it in a very sad tone and that frightened me. I told Jesus that I felt useless because I didn’t even have the courage to talk to people. I am unable to help the Lord to spread the gospel. I cried tears while confessing my stupidity. Jesus replied saying
“A child would not be able to hold a very big object, right? Why are you discouraged and chose death because of this? Do you know how precious life is? Do you know how sad I am without a body?”
I replied, “But, everything I do, I don’t do well.”
“You will do well after you’re grown up. Let’s start by evangelizing one by one. Live with me and become my body.”
After since that incident, I remember Jesus’s word and engraved those words in my mind. I started evangelizing one at each time and did it thinking that Jesus is working through my body. In this way, a step at a time, I spread the word to even the whole nation, and now even to the world. I became more confident in preaching the word to thousands and millions of people. Even though I am no longer young now, but that fiery heart to live for the lord was still in me and I confessed to Jesus every day saying: “Lord, don’t worry about me, I am living for the Lord, and living to fulfill the will of the Lord. Thus, no matter what hardship I faced, it is ok. I am a happy man!” Everyone, If you have ever once thought of giving up on yourself because you felt that you are lacking. Listen to these wise words of mine, and just as I was saved through Jesus’ words that refrained me from committing suicide. You too, live a life not doing silly things but instead follow the Lord and do big things, and become a happy person!